if you're going to pour your heart out to me... please dont turn around and just tell me to forget about it when you wake up later.

BRILLIANT IDEA!! I thought of something amazing. Some people have a lot of secrets ones they are too afraid to tell anyone, but yet its killing them to keep them in. I had an idea where if you buy loads of helium balloons and tie the note with your secret on it to the strings of the balloons and just let them fly off... get lost in the world somewhere.

love has no boundaries, for it is love, love is unpredictable, measureless, and completely limitless.

I want this as a tattoo with the words "Fly Away Home"

you have to know I am terrified, I am scared to let people get close, and as soon as they do, I push them away, before they can hurt me. because my ex ruined me. he's made me terrified of love. And on  top of that, all the people I have let get the closest to me have walked out  in someway or form. And i know some have come back, but its still terrifying.

The only times I get super defensive..

Is when it deals with a friend, a family member or my dog. If any one ever messes, offend, or hurt either of them, I go from the nicest person to the MOST HORRIBLE person you never want to deal with. I dont take kindly to those people who mess with them. I will fight for them no matter what. I may seem like a complete sweet heart, until you cross the line. Which not many people do. So thats good i guess.

Silly me

Silly, foolish, reckless me...

Fly away from here...

Our fingerprints never fade from the lives we've touched

& its kind of funny, cause you've got me smiling, my head all in a spin.

Me

I'm always the one who loves more, that's my thing.

This song reminds me of my past... beautiful song♥

Merry Christmas

Today is the last day I can post until I return, since I am going away to my moms house for the weekend and she has no internet so I want to wish you all a very happy holidays and merry christmas, if you do not celebrate I wish you happy holidays and wish you all very well! I love you all each and everyone of you.

And I know for some people this time of year is the greatest, for others its the hardest... for me this year, its in the middle. Its a hard time of year for me, just things from my past that make it that way, but it is still my favorite time of year. And I'd like to thank all those who've saved me this year, I love you all with every piece of my heart<3 That goes out to all my friends new and old, and to my subs for being so amazing!

I promise once the new year is over I will get back into videos. Just having a lot of stress right now, and taking a slow break. I've been really sick, and I needed to slow down before I get worse. I've been in and out of the doctors for months, and a lot this month. But no worries things will be good for me. I just need to relax and stress less.

I love you all, so happy holidays!!!!!! xoxo

ps to those who have saved me, there's a few of you. Thankyou, whether you did it without realizing, or you keep pushing to try. The 3 of you are amazing to me thankyou<3.

Love Quotes

p.s.

I...like...you.<3

This is my brain!

ours (taylor swift song)

So dont you worry your pretty little mind
people throw rocks that things that shine
and like makes love look hard
the stakes are high, the waters rough, but this love is ours<3

Life's Angels

In life I think everyone gets someone special who sticks around, someone there to always remind them they are loved and that they are always cared about. They are sent to us when we are felt like we are not good enough. They are there throwing compliments and reminding us how they want us to remain safe. They show us that its ok to be scared, but to also remember not everyone wants to hurt us.

I was discussing this with my best friend the other night how we both have someone that want nothing more than to save us, and be with us. I brought it up because she was discussing how she didnt feel the same the way back and I explained to her how maybe he is just sent to her to remind her that there are still good guys out there who want to be there for her. And although she doesn't feel the same, he is there to show her that she is loved.

I don't know about you, but I am the type of person who thinks everything happens for a reason. I have not discovered these reasons.. well all of them, but I am getting there. I have learned a lot of life lessons and I consider myself very knowledged in certain aspects of life. Though people may disagree.

Then again, those people most likely don't know me or anything I have ever been through. People see me as I am now, like the bubbly, happy person that I am, people see that, and the make their perception of me.. then theres people who talk to me, they know a bit more. And so on and so on.

The past 3 or 4 days

The past few days I have been eating a lot better and I have actually been hungry. I am still stressed and sick, and I know I keep getting sick from all the stress, but recently I have stepped down from my youtube videos. I haven't recorded in ages, But I have been editing my older videos and I have been uploading. I Have been spending a lot of time with friends which is a good distraction for me, they have been getting me to relax and forget about my stress. THankyou all of you<3 I love you all.

Christmas 2011

This year is super different for christmas. We for years always had our christmas on the 24th and we'd have dinner christmas day. But now this year I had to choose between which parents I was going to spend it with. Thats a choice I NEVER want to EVER make. I love both my parents I would hate to choose between them. That was worrying me for ages, until we sorted it finally.

♥

Love Quotes

I'm confused...

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Heartbreak Quotes

flashback

Yesterday things were all good, my lil bro and I had gone out doing some christmas shopping like we used to... then things went from good to bad. I got home, adn got a text from him saying the people that live the floor below him's place was on fire... and tthen the next thing i hear is fire trucks... two of them rushing down the road, i happen to live by the fire department, and my brother lives down the road. I got scared, and sick to my stomach. It was only 3 years ago that a fire destroyed my moms place. Everything gone... thankfully for my brother his place was fine, just smoke damage and minor floor damage. But he is not allowed to return for 4 months. He is so lucky he didnt lose anything and I am so thankful he was out with me, and not at home sleeping like he had planned to. What if he didnt wake up. Its a scary though. It did stress me out a lot though, because i remember the fire at my moms, when i got the call, I was home alone.. and i remember just falling to my knees. Scared me you know.

Just really stressed these days. so much going on, and i keep getting sick. Blarghg Trying to relax as much as I can. Slacking on my videos, because I am spending time with friends, just relaxing instead. They keep me calm.

I tell you that I'm all figured out?
Or maybe I just like how that sounds

Scary moments

The other day I was at the coffee shop with my best friend, we were catching up since she was home for christmas vacation from university. Things were good, until things for me when black. I started to get really really dizzy... I laid my head on the table, I felt like I was going to pass out, the world was spinning so fast. Then I felt really sick, and I asked my friend to take me to the washroom. I struggled walking there from being dizzy, and I eventually fell to the ground. At that point I had to crawl into the room, until I was then way too dizzy/weak/nauseous to even hold myself up. I couldn't move, or lift my head. I was terrified. This came out of nowhere, and no idea why. Thankfully my best friend was there for this. I don't even know how long we sat in that bathroom for, but she had called her mom to come get me. I had to crawl out of the bathroom very slowly. I was just soo dizzy, and nauseous and weak I could barely do much. Once I got to the car I was rushed to the doctor, where I was then wheeled in via wheelchair. I kept my head down for the majority of this because I was way too dizzy and sick to lift my head. I could barely remember my information when the nurse asked, my best friend had to do all the talking for me..

it was very scary for me. Turns out i had a spout of vertigo because of liquid in my ears. Nothing too serious, but the vertigo at the time it hit was very debilitating and scared both my best friend and me. We both had no idea what was going on. That lasted me about I dont even know actually because I dont even know what time it started. 

Control

I stopped listening to my favorite band because the lead singer looked just like you... then I remember... "oh yeah, you no longer control me"

Walls

...I need someone to show me its alright to be brave.

...I need someone to show me its alright to not be ok

...I need someone to show me how not to be afraid.

...I need someone to teach me how to trust again

...but, you see, I am not brave, I am afraid... I am terrified to let people get to close. All the people who I have let get the closest to me have left in some way... and it scares me to let people through my doors. I previously mentioned that I am a series of locked doors... sometimes I let people through them, but if things move to quickly, I tend to push them out, close the door and lock it again. I get scared. Don't get me wrong I am a happy person, I just have my fears... all the people who said they'd be there, they walked away at some point. They have hurt me emotionally in some form whether intentionally or not.

It scares me to feel that feeling. To the point where I now just run. If people get to close, I walk away. I don't let them in too far, unless I know they wont go. I am good on my own, I am strong on my own. I do tend to put up walls, some probably thicker than others. But I have good reason to. As I am sure many other do as well... Do you yourself not have walls built up? If not, kudos to you, I wish I could be that strong to not need walls, but I need these to keep me safe. I am happy inside these walls.

I am in no way saying my happiness is fake, because its not, I am generally a happy person, but as a human, I am capable of feeling all types of emotions, and some emotions, I tend to keep hidden away. I keep them safe and locked up. I keep them away from those who will take advantage when I am most vulnerable.

I am a girl who smile through her struggles and tears cause I can see the brightness at the end of the tunnel, and I head towards it. I push everything else away. Mostly in fear.

I build up these walls to protect myself, and the only ones who will get through, are the ones who care enough to take the time to knock them down, and care enough to want to keep me safe.

I feel like I am opening up sometimes way to much in this blog, but at the same time, I know these blogs help other people as well, I know there are many people in the same position as me. And I want to write these to help them. But I guess by writing these and am in someway knocking down some parts of my walls. But I will never fully break them down, not here at least. Somethings are meant to stay safe and always will.

"The world used to be a bigger place..."
"The world is the same.... there's just less in it."

Impressionable.

I know many people out in the world out there are very impressionable. I know I am one of those people. I think I can speak for most people when I say that the people you hang around with can influence who you are as a person. Its a given fact. I know I wasn't always hanging around the greatest people, and I have spent some time with people who have had really bad influences on me, causing my friends to see me differently.

I had my reasons, stupid ones, but I had them. I was going through  a lot in my personal life. I had loads of things just piling up on me, and I was going through a really difficult time. I was trying to mend my past. I was at a point in my life where I really didn't care anymore. It was a difficult time, and I met some people who didn't exactly have a good influence on me, one person in particular, who is now known as "Jerk Face" by my best friend and I. He was trouble from the beginning but I ignored it. I looked passed it and just stuck around. I did some things I am not exactly proud of at all, and it caused people to have a whole new outlook on me, and just another thing to judge me on. I was staying out later, staying over when I shouldn't have... I was drinking with them... and more things. Now that I look back, its just all stupid.

I regret it, I wish I had just walked away. But at the same time I know it has taught me a valuable lesson, and no matter how much I wish I could go back and change what was done, I know I wouldn't be where I am today, and who I am today if I didn't go through it. I know we learn from our mistakes, and we get to where we want to be by making these mistakes because we learn who we don't want to become.

Everyone in their lifetime is going to come across people who influence them to be complete different, or to do bad things. We may go along with these people, or choose not to. A lot of the time people choose to, and they dont see that they are a bad influence, but they stick around because they don't realize that these people are changing them.

I really lost my point in this post, I had it, but I am very distracted. so I hope this post makes sense. I keep leaving and coming back to this post.

basically my point is in life the people you choose to hang around are the people who will influence you the most, they will shape you, and create who you are as a person, whether it be good or bad. It is up to you to recognize who is good and who is best to just leave behind.

For me, I have not always hung around the greatest people in the world, But I have learned many lessons and I know where I want to be, and where I am going. I have got a good head on my shoulders now, and I choose my friends wisely. I know who I want to associate with, and who I would rather not be around.

Every girl needs a hero....
But not all hero's come in human form<3

I have a weird fascination for knitted sweaters or granny sweaters<3

I wont lie

My past terrifies me.

Sometimes I'm tempted to dig a little too deep for my own good. Sometimes its safer leaving things unsaid. Sometimes, its best not to know. But I know in the past I've let my heart get the best of me.

"Where ever you're going, take me with you" 

"Just know I'll always love you"

I used to love your lies...

Now...

I took your Matches before fire could catch me, so don't look now, I'm Shining like Fireworks over your sad empty town

People always think that

the most painful thing is

losing the one you love

in your life. 

The truth is...

the most painful thing is

losing yourself in the process

of loving someone too much

forgetting that

you are SPECIAL too!

Wasn't it beautiful running wild till you fell asleep, 

before the monsters caught up to you...

Me

Me? I am no one special, I am not perfect, I make mistakes. As does everyone. I am not exactly proud of somethings I have done, but can say I am proud of where its gotten me. I don't always have my hair sitting perfectly, I never wear too much makeup. I may not always say the right things. I've been places, where I wish no one ever has to go, I have seen things, been through things, I never wish upon anyone. I have fought hard battles, but never with my fists.

Sometimes I smile a little too much, laugh a little too loud. At times I make a fool of myself, and try to act like nothing happened. Sometimes I think a little too much, and it keeps me awake at night. I wonder things, and ponder others. I make wishes at 11:11 because I can.

I sometimes walk around my house, and just sing as loud as I can. I talk to my dogs in funny voices, because the way they react makes me laugh. When I am with my brothers, I can be a complete dork and we just joke around.

My best friend, well lets just say when we're together, you'll know. You'll hear us laughing non-stop, see us skipping on the sidewalks.

Me... I am a happy person, despite my past, and the things I have been through, I am still happy. Despite my losses, my battles, and my mistakes. I have come out strong. I smile and I live on.

But, thats just me. :)

What do you say

What do you say.. when you don't know what to say
What do you say... when you have so much to say
What do you say... when you're afraid to say
What do you say... when you know the reason you can't stop smiling
What do you say... when you can't find the right words to get out
What do you say...

Girly Quotes




Girly Quotes




Girly Quotes

Dear Boys

This is to all guys, if you find a wonderful girl, who makes you smile, laugh, glow, makes you the happiest ever. Please be good to her, be kind, gentle, keep her around, let her know she is cared for. Let her know she is safe withyou. Whether this girl is your girlfriend, you crush, your wife, or just a good friend. Let her know you are there, be good to her. Don't be a douche, don't hurt her.

I know none of you are perfect, and you all make mistakes, but if you are one of the good guys, please don't ever stoop down the their level of the douche's. Pride yourself on being a good guy, never change for anyone. When you find that one girl, that makes your world bright, hold onto her as long as you can. Make her smile like she makes you smile. I know there are some girls out there, that may not appreciate you as much as you want them too, but if they don't give you the time of day, don't waste yours on them. There are many other girls out there, good ones, looking for a man just like you. Find her, love her, keep her safe.

To the douchebags out there. Smarten up, you will never really be happy in life if you keep treating girls the way you to. Its horrible that you use them and break them. I know not all girls are nice, and there are some trouble makers out there, but please for crying out loud, don't break the good ones. If you know you aren't good enough for them, and you know you are only going to hurt them, then let them go, don't lead them on, don't be that jerk. Just let them go. Maybe one day, you'll find yourself wishing you weren't the way you are now, and you'll regret your past mistakes, and learn from them, and maybe one day you can transform into one of the good guys, then, then is when you can find a good girl, and you'll know exactly how to treat her.

Dear girls

I know life may seem very difficult, and love may be very hard to find. I know from past experiences that guys can be jerks. Now I am not saying all my ex's were jerks, but I am saying that a lot of guys can be. I have had a few good relationships in the past. I've had short ones, and I have had longterm ones, but I have also learned a lot from these. I learned that not everything can last for ever, but to cherish what you had, rather than dwell on what you've lost. Girls if you love someone, tell them, never hold it back, never hold on to words because you are afraid. Because if you don't speak up, you will never really know. But yet I understand its scary, I know how it is to be afraid to tell someone you love them, you get scared to be rejected, I've been there, many times...

Also girls if you find a boy, that treats you like an angel, does everything they can for you, don't let go of them. Don't push them away, because he isn't mr popular, or he isn't that "hunky" guy you wish you could have. Treasure him, because there are only a few good handfuls of gentlemen left out in the world, and if you are lucky enough to have one, keep him close to you for as long as you can. Even if its just as a friend. Because in life, you will run into people who you think are good people, but then they will hurt you at some point and in some way, and make you feel like there's no one good out there, but you'll be wrong, because all along, he was right there for you.

Cute Quotes

A rule of writing

This is a rule of writing I made for myself ages ago.

If you ever see me, sitting with a pen in hand, and a note book, writing and I am quiet and not paying attention to life around me. I am in my "zone". That is when I wont respond to anything until I have fully written out what is on my mind. Usually this is when I am writing my music lyrics. If I get a song in my head, I blank out the world around me and write it down as fast as I can before I forget it.


Also instead of making a separate post for this. I must say, I am writing a lot lately, and I am happy. I missed it so much<3 I love writing. I love writing when I am happy too. :}

Friends

If you know me, you may notice that I have a lot of guy friends. There is good reason for that. They are freakin' chill! lol Also I know most girls are trouble, they spread rumors, lie, and backstab you. Also I guess growing up with 3 brothers, I guess I am just used to getting along with guys. Don't get me wrong I do have female friends, and I love them to death. But I prefer to have mostly male friends. I just in general get along better with them. Most girls are so filled with drama, that I prefer not to get wrapped up in. I think I have had enough drama in my life thus far, to last me a life time. I need to chill and relax, and not put up with so much drama. Also a lot of girls are so fake, they put on this fake act to try and fit in. That's not cool. I am all about being yourself. I once had a girl as my best friend, she seemed like the coolest person ever, till I found out from another friend, that she had been lying to me about everything. I brought it up to her, and she admitted it, and her excuse, she just wanted to fit in. I looked at her and said, good bye. I don't deal with liars and fakes. There is no trust in them. I don't need that drama.

That doesn't mean though that I will just walk away if drama arises between the friends I have now. No I don't walk out on my friends. I stand up for them, and I will fight for them. I'd go to the end of earth for them if needed.

I lovee all the friends I have, they all mean the world to me and all hold a special place in my heart!

I could be crazy..

Or I could be right...

A series of Locked doors.

Me, I'd like to think I am just like everyone else. And that I am a happy person. But also, since trust doesn't come that easily for me now a days. I also like to think I am a series of locked doors. Behind every door is a new aspect of me, and closer to me you get.

For example. I will talk to you a little bit if you haven't got passed door 1, but I will still remain really shy.

Passed door 1 I talk to you a lot more, but still unsure.

Door 2 is when you get me laughing, and you get the dorky side of me where I am not afraid to be that dorky me.

Door 3.. you get to start to know me a little more deeper. Where I share some personal things. This door scares me to let people through. Very few get through this door.

Door 4... Now you are knowing more about me, things that I just don't tell anyone. This is a level more deeper than 3, and its when I am less scared, and certain you wont hurt me.

Door 5... that's the door to my heart. You make it past here, and you know all there is to know about me. And I feel safe enough to trust you and know that you wont walk out.

There are a few exceptions for these doors.

My Best Friend

I am so excited, 2 nights ago my best friend text me to me she is back home!!! I missed her so much, she was gone away for college. I saw her yesterday for 5minutes at my work, I was on break she text me saying she was checking out, so I got to the front as fast as I could to see her. I was so excited, I went and hugged her.

She's been my best friend for 8 years. And we're inseparable. She went away for University at the end of August, things haven't been the same without her. I spent a lot of the time in the summer with her, as much as I could. She is like my sister. Someone I tell pretty much everything to. She is also my personal bodyguard lol. If anyone messes with me, She is the first one to be there. Believe me when I say this, she is not one to mess with. She is very protective of me, as I am to her.

i may have just found an amazing site

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Photography Images




Photography Images




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Inspiration Quotes




Inspiration Quotes

Super power

Someone asked me the other day if I could have any super power what would it be? And I just gave the same answer I always give, to either read minds or be able to go invisible. The reason, I dunno, I guess I just see everyone as a puzzle that I need to figure out. Some way easier than others. Some times I wish I knew what was going through peoples minds, because I know I've been lied to a lot in my life, and usually I am pretty good at detecting the liars, I just wish I knew what was going through their heads when they were lying. Or maybe for those times when you can tell people are too afraid to speak up. I dunno, sometimes I can admit I am a little nosy. I can't help it. I think everyone to an extent is a little nosy.

Or another cool power would be telepathy, cause I for one, know how hard it is to say things at times. And well, it would be easier to just send on a message telepathically wouldn't it?? I dunno maybe it would be just as hard, unless they don't know that you are sending it, but its like they can read your mind? Does that even make sense? I don't even know anymore.

I want to

I want to sleep but I can't sleep, something just keeps keeping me up, every night. I guess theres something on my mind thats just bothering me.

I just want to thank you, you don't know who you are, but I want you to know anyways that I appreciate everything you've done for me. You opened up a new world for me, and you showed me what it is to be happy again, you helped me forget the bad, and you brought a smile to my face. And you still always do.

Thank you for everything. You are a great friend!! Even though you probably don't even read this, or realize who you are. But I want you to know I am very thankful to have you as my friend. I hope you stick around. :)

Take care of her, give her wings so that she can fly.<3 Remind her she is everything. Let her know she is the luckiest girl ever.

One of those moments

I am having one of those moments again, where I have sooooo much I want to say, but I just can't find the right words to say, and along with it I am just honestly too scared to say. You ever really wanted to tell someone something so bad, but you know if you ever did, it could ruin everything? I hate that feeling. I've been there soooo many times. Just holding it in kills you, but letting it out could be worse.

I remember one time I did that, it was a few years back in my first year of college, there was this boy, and he seemed like he liked me, always flirting with me, always taking me out places and paying for me. And I remember he ALWAYS tried to make me blush. All the signs pointed to him liking me, it was crazy, but when I confessed, he just says "I'd just find ways to hurt you, its just who I am."  I guess he was right, in one way. I don't know. That's just an example.

Some people said its better to speak up and find out the truth, but sometime knowing the truth is to much, and its better to play it safe. But that's a whole other topic. My issue it just trying to find words to say. I have been scrambled for the past few days. A little sick to my stomach as well, which I thought was the flu, but I am pretty sure its just stress, and I have to be careful with my stress.

I've been in and out of the doctors for years for my stomach because of stress, and the doctor has told me I have to be careful, and that I am also supposed to avoid caffeine, but yet whenever I get stressed I drink coffee, I need it to calm my stress, so either way I am damaging my stomach. My doctor says if I am not careful I could cause a stomach ulcer. Which is a little scary. I am lucky I haven't had one yet, but he said if I ever get an immense pain in my stomach, that I should go straight to the hospital.

Look again I am getting off topic. This post was supposed to be about how there's so many things I wish I could say, but I just can't say. blargh. I think I will just end this here before I get more off topic. And I will have another post later.

If only...

I wasn't so afraid to fall...

I will always be a hopeless romantic♥

and I still believe one day I'll be swept off my feet, and it wont end like the others have. But that's just me, I am very optimistic.

How?

So there's this guy at my work. Every time I see him, he always asks me the same thing. He always asks me how I am, I will say good, but then he will always ask me if something at home is wrong. And I always think to myself when he asks that why would he ask that. It's odd. I told this to my best friend that I think its odd, cause its like he knows that something is up, and that he can see me hiding it. He can see through me? But I don't get how? I am usually always happy, but yet he still sees through it. It scares me a little I admit that. I don't really even know him, or say much to him at all, just whenever he says "hi" and say it back. I don't get it. I have been stressed a lot lately, but I don't see how he could even see that, or even know that without knowing me.

Does this not sound extremely odd to anyone else?

love this♥

love this

Dr. Horrible's sing along act 2 part 2

(The song from the video caught my attention<3 I loved it, so I shared it. You can search the title on youtube to take a look)

Heres a story of a girl,
who grew up lost and lonely
thinking love was fairly tale
and trouble was made only
for me

Even in the darkness,
every colour can be found
and everyday of rain brings water flowing
to things growing in the ground.

grief replaced with pity
for a city barely coping
Dreams are easy to achieve
if hope is all I'm hoping to be.

any time your hurt
there;s one who has it worse some round
and every drop of rain will keep you growing feed your soil in the ground
so keep your hat up billy buddy

To Everyone♥

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real . But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Great Best Friends Say Great Things

spaceboundlovers (3 days ago)

hello my beautiful darling,
i am so proud of you. always will be.
there will always be that one person that will leave hateful comments on your wall through youtube or even facebook; that think they are bigger and better than everyone else. HATERS WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR BIGGEST FANS NO MATTER WHAT. they are the ones that put your name out there. (only useful thing we learn from rap music) you know i will always have your back..this video made me cry and laugh at the same time. and i can see that many of your subs are good people, and stood up for you before i could (thank you @117Oxidizer) it takes a very strong person to do what you just did, and im so proud of you! i cant wait to be back next week and see your beautiful face and im going to hug you and hug you and hug you because ive missed you sooo much!

My Tattoos

I get asked this a lot, mostly in real life what my tattoos are of, and why I go them.. So I figured I would share it with everyone.

The first tattoo I got was for my grandpa on my mom's side. He passed away while in a comma a few years ago.

There is a meaning behind it, and its 100% fully designed by me. The butterfly represents eternity, cause he will forever live on, the bumble bee is for industrial, because he was always working in his workshop, the heart is my heart because he will always be by my heart<3, and the stars are his path along life.

My other tattoo is located on my left shoulder.

It's a Starburst lily, with the words "Just Breathe" above it. I designed this tattoo from scratch as well. I decided to get this to always be a reminder to me that no matter what happens in life, to always remember to "just breathe"<3

(just a bit about me)

• You guys will have tons to read on here. This reminds me of old blogging times. I just wanted to write something happy and cheery, since you know that's how I feel right now. Well to be honest that's how I feel most days. I'm the kind of girl who will always be laughing at something, I love to smile, even if sometimes its with just my eyes. I love the simple things in life.
• I love when it snows, because to me, its so magical, and romantic. I love walking through the snow, it's like a love story. I don't know, that sounds cheesy right? I just always picture a cute winter romance. I am a hopeless romantic what can I say.
• I'm the kind of girl that will go out of her way to make someone else's day, I am rarely selfish, and always love to help, and give. I am the kind of person, who will buy you something, and never expect to be paid back. And I also feel bad when people buy things for me, I dunno why, its not a bad thing. I just feel guilty you know, but I am always appreciative of it. ALWAYS!
• I'm the kind of girl who will stop mid-sentence and either forget what I was saying, get distracted, or completely just change the subject at random. Sometimes I forget what to say, and when I say things they never make sense.
• I sometimes fall to easily, but I love love, so what can you do right? I love all my friends and cherish them all very much.
• I can be a complete dork when my brothers are around, especially my little one, we can sit there one minute, and the next we'd be talking to each other in different accents just being funny.
• I am shy, believe me or not. But when you know me, you will rarely see my shy side.
• When I am quiet it means a few things: I am tired, sad, thinking, confused or distracted, and sometimes mad.
• Music has always been a part of my life, and I have a song that reminds me of everything.
• I prefer smaller groups of friends, I get lost in big crowds.
• I love animals, snow, sun, warm weather, swimming (even though deep open water scares me), I have a fear of falling, but not of heights (basically if someone picks me up off the ground I am afraid of being dropped).
• I have a million note books with quotes, random thoughts, and just things I've felt like writing out written down in them, even some with doodles.
• I love romantic movies, but what girl doesn't. I always think that one day I'll have a love story worth writing about. (because like I mentioned I am a hopeless romantic).
• I love hugs, and cute kisses (wow now i am getting really mushy) My fav moment in life was the Taylor Swift concert of 2010 when the confetti fell from the roof, and I remember twirling in a circle, it felt like a magical fairy tale to me. (yes i am a dork :P)
• I love lilacs, they are my favorite flower, and they smell amazing. Always my favorite to go pick them and put them in my room and my rooms smells like them.
• I love love quotes, because I love the idea of love.
• I love boys who can make me laugh<3 that's always a key.
• want to know more? maybe some other time, I think I've written WAYY too much today lol. I need to limit myself.

I honestly cant stop writing here.

I guess Theres a heck of a lot going on in my mind these days again. Its been SOOOOO freakin long since I've gotten to my writing. I stopped writing because of a stupid boy who broke my heart at the beginning of the year. That boy tore me apart. He to me was that ONE person I thought I was going to be with, you know, I've known him since I was in kindergarten. We had been best friends in the third grade. I remember the other kids would always tease us in the play ground saying how we were dating. We denied everything because we never did admit it. Seemed like a fairy tale to me when we met up again years later and we picked up where we left off... I thought for sure I'd be with him forever. But of course I was foolish, but not as foolish as him.

He swept me off my feet, convinced me that the previous relationship I was in was bad and wrong.. and well I guess he had me falling for him. Things seemed like they all fell in place. Have you ever felt that way about someone? Then one day, I was in class, about to go in and I get a text from him, saying he needed to talk. Those are words NO ONE ever wants to hear.. and well to sum up this story, he broke up with me over a TEXT MESSAGE, a freakin' text message... not the worst of it either... found out there was another girl.. great right? then she was "gone". And basically from there he lied to me, and used me... then completely broke my heart. He had me holding on to him so long after breaking up because he lead me on. JERK right?

SO basically he really broke my heart, I was afraid to write again, because I was afraid to feel that pain again. I had already been through so much in my life. (you dont even know, well no one really does). You see I always write, its my therapy, most people go to therapists, or some people go to drugs, or alcohol, that was never me. Me I find it SOO hard to talk to people about these things. I've tried, my dad made me see his therapist that he had when my parents first split. It was unsuccessful, all I did was cry. Barely got words out. You see I am a very private person, I rarely open up to people, unless i can really trust them. I get scared. I have been through a lot of tragic things. Which kind of surprises me why I am writing this right now. It kind of terrifies me that I may actually make this public because I am opening up. But I guess its easier for me to open up to strangers, than to people I know. Wow getting off track now, but anyways the whole reason I stopped writing was because I was afraid to feel, I was afraid to go back to feeling that pain, writing is my therapy a way to get out my feelings without having to sit down and talk to someone.

But this particular boy, he broke me so bad when I was already weak, that I was afraid to feel anything to do with being hurt. So I pushed away the pain, I denied it was there, I completely shut down. I went through a period of time where I didn't want to leave my house cause everything reminded me of him. It's not like he was my first boyfriend, because he wasn't I've had a few before him. Nor was he the longest relationship either. I think what the issue was, is that it went from being completely flawless, like a dream, to just being nothing. And then him leading me on and using me afterwards, like after the breakup just to break my heart again, that is what scared me. That someone had the power to do that to me. Make me fall utterly in love, then drop me just like that.

I didn't want to feel that pain again, I put my pens away, my notebooks collected dust, my other blog just sat un-updated. Which made me sad, because I LOVED writing, but I had nothing else to write about. But I guess I have come passed that. It took me a while, a few months, but now I am here back writing. Its scarey though. Opening up to you guys. Letting you into my world, my mind.

Don't get me wrong. I am a happy person, I am, I love life, I love to laugh, you guys see that in my videos. I just have that side of me that's gone through so much struggle. But I guess I am proud of myself, and where I am today. After all that I have been through, I still come out with a smile on my face. Every time I get knocked down, I stand right back up.

But right now, I want to thank some friends, some people I've met over the past few months, you guys are amazing, and wonderful, and I love talking and chillin' with you guys. (if you even read this lol) I want to thank you for being there, even though you probably never even realized, you've made me stronger. You've made me forget the bad in life, and just live for the good. You are the greatest and I love you all for that<3 thanks so much for being amazing. (this is really hard for me to admit). And also to my subs, you guys with you're comments and tweets and messages, you guys you make me smile so much I always look forward to seeing what you guys write. Thanks so much to all of you<3

One Parent Home.

It was requested that I write about this. So I figured I would. For me it started about 5 years ago, my life changed dramatically when my parents split. It went from the perfect picture of a family, to just slowly but yet a quick fall out. It was a very confusing time. I know there's A LOT of divorced parents out there, and it seems like the "norm" in society, but you never think it'd happen to you. At least that's what I thought. It was really hard for me to accept. I was hurt a lot by it, and I've tried for years to accept it.

Going from a two parent family, to one parent family... its a big transition, and a lot of people don't realize this, but it does affect the kids a lot, no matter what their age it. everything that was once done as a family is now done differently. For me, my mom had moved 3hrs away. Which was really really hard for me, because, well she was like my best friend. I have such a strong relationship with her. I went from seeing her everyday to seeing her as much as 6 times a year. It was hard on me.

I am trying to write on this topic without trying to touch on my personal life too much, just because I am not really one to open up to just anyone. I also don't really need my personal life exposed all over the internet.
Plus, I want you all to know in my case, we weren't abandoned, there were just issues between my parents that they couldn't work out, it was never super bad between my parent, I got lucky in that sort. But it was still very much hard to go through. I will not go into detail about it though, because its really no ones business but my families. (not trying to be rude)

I want to be able to write this though to help others who are in a situation like I am. I know how hard it is growing up in a single parent home, watching things fall apart. Struggling financially, struggling as a family, struggling emotionally. It was all very hard, but I guess the most important thing was remembering that you are still a family, even if you're parents aren't together. Whether they just fell out, or they never got along, one abandoned you, or one passed away, or simply you just never got the chance to meet them. Its all hard.

I want you to know it does get easier, it may still be hard, but it will be a heck of a lot easier than it used to be. As you grow stronger with time, you learn to accept things as they are and how they will be. You get accustomed to they way things are now. There will always be a part of you that wishes you could have the family all back, just sitting there in the back of your mind, but never let that take over. Learn to make good out of your situation. Life may always through challenges at you, but what doesn't kill you, always makes you stronger.

Remember fall down 7 times, stand up 8.  We are put through these things because we can get through them, they teach us about life. Take this as a lesson, learn from what went wrong and take that into your future. Also remember "good things fall about so greater things can fall together".

I know no matter how much I wish my parents never split, I look at where I am right now, all the things in my life that I have right now, somehow in someway came to me as a result of that. I wouldn't be where I am today without my past, and same is for you. I wouldn't have the great friends I have right now. I wouldn't have these two amazing dogs that I have right now that mean the world to me. My two dogs are the light of my life, they make me happy when I am sad, and they cuddle with me when they know I am sick.  I know at times they can drive me nuts, but I will endlessly love them. I've met people, I may have never met before. I have experienced things I may have never gotten to experience. So even though I may have lost something so special, I've gained many more in its place.

Even though you go through these struggles, you must remember on the other side there's something beautiful waiting to be discovered. <3

I hope this helps others who've gone through a similar situation. :)



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Just to add... The hardest thing... is missing my mother.<3

To my best friend

I wanted to make one last post on here today. This one is one that I am actually writing. The others were old blog posts from one of my old blogs (no you wont find it anywhere). I wanted to dedicate this next blog post to my best friend. We've been friends since we were 12 and 13. I remember the day we met, I remember a lot from that year, and over the years. I remember all the good times, the laughs, I also remember the hard times and the tears. I remember all the times we'd stand up for eachother because of some jerk who'd do us wrong, I remember walking the hallways at school laughing. I remember all the little things, the inside jokes that will always be remembered.

You of all people, you know me, respect me, accept me for everything I am, you know all there is to know about me. You stand up for me, protect me, and never let those who hurt me get away with it. I am proud to have someone as amazing as you as my best friend. And I know all the time we were friends, not all of it were good times, we did have our rough moments, where things were really hard for us, but we are strong, we've come past that. We grew stronger and we've become inseparable, and even though you're gone off to college 7hrs away, somehow you still remain here with me.

You know that words, they don't come easily for me, but you know exactly how I am feeling or what I am thinking anyways. You understand that things get rough, and you always stand by me. And you know, even if I don't say, you just know that I appreciate everything you do.

I am proud of who you are, and how you've grown. I am so proud. I understand even through all the mistakes and wrong choices that you are still a great person, I do not judge you in anyway. I love you for who you are, and that's my best friend! The closest thing to a sister I will ever have!

I'd just like to thank you. For everything<3

41 ways to a girls heart (had to post this lol too cute)

♥1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot, sexy, or fine.
♥2. Hold her hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.
♥3. Hug her from behind
♥4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
♥5. Wrestle with her :)
♥6. Don't go hang out with your ex when shes not with you, you might not relize how badly it hurts her.
♥7. If youre talking to another girl, when you're done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her....let her know she's yours and they aren't.
♥8. Write her notes or call her just to say "hi"
♥9. Introduce her to your friends . . . as your girlfriend.
♥10. Play with her hair.
♥11. Pick her up and flirt with her. (She'll scream and say 'put me down'but really she loves it)♥12. Get upset if another guy touches her
♥13. Make her laugh
♥14. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
♥15. If she's mad at you, kiss her.
♥16. If you care about her, then TELL HER
♥17. Every guy should give their girl 4 things: a stuffed animal(she'll hug it every time she goes to sleep),jewelry(she'll treasure it forever)and one of his t-shirts (she'll most likely wear it to bed) or sweatshirts sprayed with his cologne!! and flowers or something occasionally.
♥18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do whenyou're alone.
♥19. Look her in the eyes and smile.
♥20. Hang out with her on weekends
♥21.Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
♥22.Kiss her just for the heck of it
♥23. If your listening to music, let her listen too.
♥24. Remember her birthday and get her something, even ifits simple and inexpensive, it came from YOU. it means all the world to HER.
♥25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don't (it'll make her happy.)
♥26. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don't care so call even if you can only talk for a minute.Girls don't necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
♥27. Give her what she wants
♥28. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.
♥29. dont hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she'll feel left out.
♥30. hang out with her WHENEVER you are free
♥31. If u care about her...SHOW her!
♥32. Tickle her even when she says stop.
♥33. Sing to her, no matter how horrible your voice is.
♥34. Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night, just because you missed her.
♥35. Don't force her to do ANYTHING.
♥36. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
♥37. Wipe away her tears.
♥38. Ask her to dance.
♥39. Grab her hand when someone you know is slutty walks by.
♥40. If she's crying on the phone, get to her house immediately.
♥41. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

Things I've Learned

I've learned...

that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I've learned...
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.


I've learned...
that the things we want in life most
have to be worked for.

I've learned...
that if you fall,
standing up is the only good option.


I've learned...
that sometimes to succeed inlife,
knowledge is not enough
you have to have the looks too.


I've learned...
that heroes are the people who do what has
to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences


I've learned...
that no matter how much i care,
some people just dont care back.


I've learned...
that its not what you have in life,
but who you have in life that counts.


I've learned...
that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesnt stop for your grief


I've Learned...
that we cannot forget or throw away our past,
but we must not allow our past to control us either,
we must learn and grow from our past failures,
disappointments, pains and experiences.
Reset our goals and priorities...
and move forward.
Start today, by un-tying the knots that limit you!


I've learned...
everyone makes mistakes,
but thats how we all learn.


I've learned...
to love how unstrick my parents were,
its allowed to me to experience so much more,
make mistakes on my own, so that I learn so much more,
than i would have by being sheltered


I've learned...
thats sometimes in life,
the hardest thing,
and the right thing,
are often the same thing.


I've learned...
broken hearts can never be fixed.


I've learned...
that you should always leave loved ones,
with loving sayings, because you never know when you could lose them.


I've learned...
life isnt easy.


I've learned...
to be careful what to wish for,
cause they do come true,
just not they way we expect them to.