One of those moments

I am having one of those moments again, where I have sooooo much I want to say, but I just can't find the right words to say, and along with it I am just honestly too scared to say. You ever really wanted to tell someone something so bad, but you know if you ever did, it could ruin everything? I hate that feeling. I've been there soooo many times. Just holding it in kills you, but letting it out could be worse.

I remember one time I did that, it was a few years back in my first year of college, there was this boy, and he seemed like he liked me, always flirting with me, always taking me out places and paying for me. And I remember he ALWAYS tried to make me blush. All the signs pointed to him liking me, it was crazy, but when I confessed, he just says "I'd just find ways to hurt you, its just who I am."  I guess he was right, in one way. I don't know. That's just an example.

Some people said its better to speak up and find out the truth, but sometime knowing the truth is to much, and its better to play it safe. But that's a whole other topic. My issue it just trying to find words to say. I have been scrambled for the past few days. A little sick to my stomach as well, which I thought was the flu, but I am pretty sure its just stress, and I have to be careful with my stress.

I've been in and out of the doctors for years for my stomach because of stress, and the doctor has told me I have to be careful, and that I am also supposed to avoid caffeine, but yet whenever I get stressed I drink coffee, I need it to calm my stress, so either way I am damaging my stomach. My doctor says if I am not careful I could cause a stomach ulcer. Which is a little scary. I am lucky I haven't had one yet, but he said if I ever get an immense pain in my stomach, that I should go straight to the hospital.

Look again I am getting off topic. This post was supposed to be about how there's so many things I wish I could say, but I just can't say. blargh. I think I will just end this here before I get more off topic. And I will have another post later.